Wash 17

Teddy hoisted the heavy laundry bags over his shoulders,

beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

It was another routine day for Laundry Teddy—delivering clothes,

collecting payments, and picking up new loads.

He made his way down the campus hallway

to his final stop: Charlene, the student who had conveniently

"forgotten" to pay him for two months.

Dropping the bags with a thud,

Teddy peeked through the open door of the lecture hall.

Students were hunched over their desks, taking an exam.

He spotted Charlene and whispered, "Psst! Charlene!"

Charlene barely glanced up before flipping him the finger.

"Girl, I need the money. Now," Teddy hissed,

still half-hidden behind the door.

Charlene smirked and exaggeratedly mimicked his words in a silent,

taunting performance.

Then, in an overdramatic whisper, she mouthed,

I don’t care, Teddy. And I will not pay you. Now go away.

I’m taking my exam.

Fury bubbled in Teddy’s chest.

This girl was really trying him today.

He leaned further into the room, about to demand payment, when—

SLIP.

His sneakers lost traction on the slick floor,

and before he knew it, he was sprawled right at the feet of the stern-looking instructor.

The professor, an elderly woman with enormous glasses,

loomed over him, unimpressed.

"Are you going to just lie there or should I pick you up and seat you myself?"

Teddy scrambled up, shaking his head.

"Oh, no! I’m not—I'm just—I'm not from here! Like, here, here!"

The instructor squinted at him. "Didn’t I flunk you last semester?"

Teddy blinked. "What? No! I’ve never—"

Before he could explain, the instructor shoved him into an empty seat,

slammed a test booklet in front of him, and handed him a pen.

"Alright, genius. Let’s see if you learned anything from last time."

The entire room fell silent, except for Charlene,

who barely stifled a laugh.

When Teddy glared at her, she lifted her hand again and—finger.

Teddy’s eyes darted to the exam paper.

He had no idea what he was looking at.

The words blurred together in a mix of scientific jargon and mathematical equations

that may as well have been ancient hieroglyphics.

He peeked at the student beside him, hoping for a glimpse of an answer.

"Well, well," the instructor’s voice boomed.

"What are you doing? This is a timed test, answer the questions quickly! And no cheating

eyes on your own booklet"

Teddy’s heart pounded.

Was this how students felt every day?

He glanced around the room—everyone was focused, scribbling furiously.

It was nice. It was cool.

For a fleeting moment, he imagined what it would be like to be one of them, to be normal.

To have a life that wasn’t just laundry bags and overdue payments—

Then something pops up: The image of him and Cliff, all sweated up right on top of the

Conference table, and then him and Drew, as Drew seductively nibbled on

his ears.

He touched his ears. It was warm. It was on fire.

He shrieked.

All eyes darted on him. The class stopped what they’re doing.

No it’s not him. It’s his phone.

To the shock of the entire class,

Teddy’s phone again vibrated on his pocket,

buzzing like an anxious bee seeking for the next pollen.

He glanced down—Mom.

FINALLY. She called.

His stomach dropped.

He hadn’t seen Sylvia in five days.

She had vanished without a trace, leaving behind nothing

but an empty fridge and a mysterious SILENCE.

Teddy whispered frantically,

“Mom?! Where are you? You haven’t been home!

I called Letty and Betsy, and they said, ‘Who cares?”

Sylvia scoffed. “Why are you whispering?

Speak up, the reception here is terrible.”

Teddy clenched his jaw. “Because I’m in an exam right now!”

Sylvia cackled. “Exam for what? A laundry exam?!”

Teddy heard muffled laughter in the background—multiple voices.

His brow furrowed. “Mom… where are you?

And why do I hear people with you?”

Sylvia’s tone shifted from amused to serious.

“Teddy, listen. I’m in Guatemala.”

Teddy nearly choked on his own breath.

“GUATEMALA?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN GUATEMALA?!”

The elderly instructor at the front of the class snapped her head up,

she can’t stand Teddy anymore, squinting, she took a deep breath,

but just as she moved to scold him, she felt a familiar tug—her bra

had slipped inside her shirt.

Internally, she cursed. Damn prosthetics.

Should’ve gone a cup size bigger.

She subtly adjusted herself, but caught a few students snickering.

With a sharp glare, she obliterated their joy on the spot.

Heads snapped back to their papers in sheer terror.

Just as she regained control, her phone rang.

She picked up, her sharp expression melting into

a look of pure giddiness. “Pookie?”

To everyone’s horror, the classroom door swung open,

and a jaw-droppingly hot 20-year-old model stood in the doorway,

holding a massive bouquet of roses.

The instructor squealed.

A sound no one thought could emerge from her vocal cords.

She abandoned her post like a woman possessed

and ran straight into her boyfriend’s arms.

Back to Teddy.

“Define ‘Guatemala,’” he begged. “Why are you there?”

Sylvia shushed him. “Teddy, listen carefully. I’m with the cartel.”

Teddy’s brain short-circuited. “WHAT THE FUCK, MOM?! THE CARTEL?!

Are you being held hostage?! We’re broke! I have nothing to bail you out with—

unless they take laundry bags as ransom! Maybe this is the time

to use everything in your disposal, including your soul to—-save your life”

Sylvia exhaled dramatically.

“Teddy, you’re talking shit, don’t be so over-the-top. I am the cartel.”

Teddy blinked. “Huh?”

Sylvia sighed, as if his stupidity exhausted her.

“So, remember that Guatemalan waitress from the ribs

place Miguel always took me to? Well, I hooked up with her.”

Teddy still confused, “Guatemalan waitress? who? Ribs place, where?”

Teddy’s soul left his body when everything dawn on him,

forget the Guatemalan waitress and the ribs place his

mother, his fucking mother is at FUCKING GUATEMALA and

now worst she’s telling him that she’s not only with the cartel,

she is the CARTEL. “Mom—what are you trying to say right now? because

nothing really is making sense”

Sylvia tsked. “Teddy, how are you this slow?

It’s bad enough you can’t read at all, but now you can’t even

process a simple sentence?I warned you about those bleach it will

fry your brains out.”

“NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS SIMPLE!” Teddy whisper-screamed.

“You’re in Guatemala. With the cartel. And somehow, you became the CARTEL?!”

Sylvia took a deep breath.

“Listen, Teddy. Where I am, who I’m with and what I became

doesn’t matter. I always tell you to look at the big picture,

and the big picture right now is the truth,

I’m calling to tell you that I’m ditching you.”

Teddy’s stomach plummeted into the Earth’s core.

“What? You’re ditching me? Why? But—I’m your son.”

Sylvia sounded bored. “Exactly. And I’m moving in with her.”

Teddy almost raised his voice, “Who?”

Sylvia responded trying to keep her cool, “The Guatemalan waitress from the

ribs place where Miguel always takes me.”

Teddy almost choke, “But…why?”

“I can’t stand the laundry. I need more. Something bigger.”

Sylvia sighed.

“Like THE CARTEL?!” Teddy’s voice cracked.

A single tear slipped down his cheek.

“So… I’m just nothing to you now?”

Sylvia groaned.

“Oh my god, Teddy, don’t make this dramatic.

It doesn’t make sense. You should be thankful I

called you, final point is that I love you,

but I love myself and HER even more.”

A gunshot rang through the phone.

Teddy froze. “WHAT WAS THAT mom, are you ok?!”

Sylvia sighed, unbothered.

“I’m still on the line, obviously I’m still alive.

I don’t have time for this—I gotta handle something real quick.”

In the background, chaos erupted—gunfire,

screaming, maniacal laughter.

WEIRD. That was her mom’s voice laughing as she fires everyone.

Teddy’s entire body went numb.

And then—darkness.

When he finally snapped back to reality, he felt something… off.

A presence.

He turned his head—only to find his instructor’s face inches from his.

Her lips—dangerously close.

And what was that smell?

The instructor grin, she has no teeth or it seems there’s some left

but it’s pitch black coal dark.

Teddy screamed.

Before he could react, she lifted both him and his chair clean

off the ground, hoisting him over her shoulder like a sack of rice.

Teddy gasped, staring at her massive biceps.

“Damn, are those gym guns?.”

The class erupted into laughter as she carried him to the front, next to her desk.

“Now, finish up. My eyes from here on

will be locked on you.” The instructor snaps.

Then, his stomach rumbled.

Loudly.

The entire room turned toward him.

The instructor arched an eyebrow. "Are you taking a test, or giving birth?"

Teddy panics, “I don’t know what’s going on.”

He grimaced. Everyone noticed this.

Some starts to cover their nose.

Teddy barely had time to process what’s really going on as

his stomach twisted in the worst way imaginable.

Oh no.

Then it happened.

Right there.

In front of everyone.

Next to the freaking instructor that’s always on gym mode.

In his crisp white pants.

A slow realization dawned across Teddy’s face.

His eyes widened in horror.

He stood up, clenched everything in sheer panic, but it was too late.

A faint, unmistakable scent hit the air.

Charlene gasped dramatically. "Oh my GOD! LAUNDRY TEDDY, NO YOU DIDN’T"

The instructor pinched the bridge of her nose,

“What the fuck is wrong with you, did you just———-”

Teddy bolted, hands covering his backside,

darting out of the lecture hall to the sound of uproarious laughter.